Lately I've been working with an increasing number of black women dating white guys. The funny thing is that their struggles and the questions they ask me about dating white guys remind me of myself a few years ago. I am a "typical" African man's woman with a guitar-body shape, and even at a very early age, I knew that I drove guys crazy with every "calculated' movement of my body especially my rear side. And being somewhat of an athletic tom-boy, I had so many opportunities to do just that. I was in their face but just out of touch kind of thing. I probably would have been slapped with a sexual harassment suit here in Canada --and that is why I have toned it down. But in many African cultures, this is part of everyday man-woman interactions (women know men are hypnotized by a bouncing-booty and love to tease them guys), as long as it's done in a culturally tasteful and socially acceptable way. But as I started to travel more and meet men from other races and cultures, my confidence in my "sexy body" was challenged - in some ways.
Cupid is going on strike because humans have lost the essence of what this beautiful word means and when people dared to fall in love in the good old times, before the word 'love' disappeared from young people's vocabulary and was replaced by the 'f' word. Actually it is not confined to young people alone and it is really an epidemic plagued throughout all ages but alas what shall we do? Ah it would appear that the public at large are greatly influenced by TV and movies and so we shall cling to these two media entities for improving and reaching out to the world at large. Judging by the movies that are not making it to the box office and are somewhat low budget movies but have a more moral theme than the blockbusters there is reason for hope. Curiously enough when one peruses videos on You Tube etc and read the comments regarding certain romantic tunes one finds cries of pleading even for younger audiences who seek a more traditional value system with movies etc so maybe hope does spring eternal.
Your judgments are not about others. They are about you and your conditioning. No one has "the right" conditioning. We all have our own, and no one has exactly the same conditioning, which helps explain why getting along is so challenging. To make things worse, we all think our conditioning is the right conditioning, or at least better than someone else's, or we wouldn't judge others and try to change them. This is our stance because we are programmed to have this stance. Like a fish in water, we don't see or examine certain programmed assumptions we have as human beings. One of the deepest and most unconscious assumptions we have is that what we think is true. We live by the unquestioned assumption that if we think it, it must be true. We do not question our beliefs because they are what we think. Since everyone has different ideas (conditioning), this causes a lot of problems in relationships. Much energy is expended trying to convince others of what we believe or defend our ideas when it could be much better spent.
Because we want love on our terms, many of us don't find it, or what we get is a person and relationship that matches our conditioning as much as possible. This kind of relationship is not necessarily the one that will make us the happiest, oddly enough. The ego thinks it knows best about relationships and will settle for nothing less than what it wants, but what it wants is just not a good guide for happiness. This is a profound and not-so-obvious truth: What we want in relationships is not always what will make us the happiest. Following our desires is not the key to happiness. It is what we think will make us happy, but it isn't what actually makes us happy. Happiness lies in being aligned with essence, our true nature. When we are identified with essence rather than with the ego, we feel all of the things the ego is looking for but pursuing in inept ways: happiness, joy, love, peace, and contentment. This is really all we-and the ego-want. It is just that the ego has a different way of trying to get these things than essence.
These romantic gestures are quick and easy ways to show your love. Often times the most romantic gestures are the small acts we choose to do every day. This extensive list of 101 romantic gestures will help you be more creative in how you show your love. 1. Massage her feet 2. Clean her car 3. Stick a post-it love note in the kitchen 4. Snuggle 5. Make a romantic mix CD 6. Dance under the stars (with your mix CD playing from the car) 7. Hide love notes in her house and car (make sure she'll find them fairly soon) 8. Have an undisturbed conversation (turn off phones, tv, computer etc.) 9. Light every candle you have to set a seductive, intimate mood 10. Pick up a pie or cake for dessert 11. Do the laundry 12. Write a message on the mirror with a bar of soap 13. Make a calender with photos of both of you together 14. Unwind with a glass of wine 15. Pick her up and carry her to the bed or couch 16. Complete her Honey-Do list 17. Download a new ring to her cell phone for your calls 18. Share things about your day (work, family, clients, events) 19.
When I lost my love, it was a very bitter pill for me to swallow. Especially When I remember all those things we used to do together, the fun we used to have and all that. It was a very difficult moment of my life and worst still; the trauma was just too much for me to bear. At first, I thought my love will wane or atrophied with time. But I was wrong. I later realize that I care more for my love during this period than ever before. I then began to reason within myself that is is much easier to win back my love than go into the unknown to find a new love. I therefore picked up myself and stop brooding over the broken relationship. I go about as though nothing has happened. I mixed up with friends and appear happy and light-hearted as far as possible. I began to improve upon my appearance, to advance myself socially and to broaden my mentality. All these I did secretly. I wanted to dazzle people with my accomplishments and thereby elevate myself to the highest level of splendour, leaving the impression that these qualities were part of my nature.
After fights, problems, jealousy, etc., the relationship is broken. You love him or her, but at the same time you don't want to stay with him or her and you feel like you are being stupid for loving this person... You want to be free, find someone else, who will be sure to understand you better and be nicer to you, but... Why do you have to separate from the person you loved so much? Why did your love suddenly disappear? Has it disappeared forever? Or was this only a temporary cold period, because of what happened? You should not think about separation as a solution just because something unpleasant happened. Take your time, don't be hasty. Are you going to throw out everything you felt? Your past together, your life, the way you fit together in so many respects, the way you feel together... just because something bad happened and destroyed the beautiful scenario? Life is not a fairy tail. Things are difficult for everyone... If you don't have a real reason to separate, you should think about reconciliation.
The state of being in love sometimes triggers different emotions and behavior in a person. Love has a capacity of transforming a person overnight due to hormonal changes which influence the way a person feels. But what would love do? Love can break your heart to pieces. If expectations in a relationship are not met hearts are shattered to smithereens. Love is not a simple issue. It is full of complexities and absurdities. When two people are in love they develop a bond that is sometimes hard to break. They feel they are one. They are usually so much into each other and they get an impression that they cannot stay without each other. When such strong love is betrayed, the heart break is enormous. It takes a long time in order to recover from it. It is love that has broken a heart. Love can kill if you didn't know. It creates jealousy in the heart which is formidable. It becomes worse when it is a love triangle. A woman decides to court two men at the same time but without their knowledge.
Everything that has a beginning must definitely have an end. When it comes to love, the grave puts a period to a love shared and cherished for a long time. But this is not the case nowadays. Love has become like a passing wind, temporary. Is it true that love comes and goes? A strong and powerful attraction which is perceived to be love turns out to be the complete opposite. It is a misconception from the word go. This strong attraction is not love but lust. Once the desires of the loin are met, it marks the beginning of the end. Their is nothing to look forward to. It was just the heat of the moment. The passion is spent. The two souls part ways immediately. There is no reason whatsoever why they should stick together any longer. They shared nothing in common except lust. The moment it is fulfilled they go their separate ways. It was a marriage of convenience. Incompatibility between couples is what creates a state of love come and go. The natural chemistry that brings cohesion and compatibility is lacking in this case.
Nothing is what it is anymore. A point has been reached where everything must be psycho-analyzed. A smirk is no longer a reflection of enjoyment or satisfaction it's an indication of nearly concluding ulterior motives. A giggle is not laughter but rather mockery and fatigue is mistaken for frustration. Why so? Where have our innocence gone? Innocence helps to preserve the joy in our lives. In fact a lot of the joy and excitement in life thrives on the preservation of innocence. It seems ironic at times how knowing can corrupt enjoyment. It is innocence to not have to think twice all the time or to have to rethink your behavior. Nobody wants to get into the habit of second guessing themselves; to have to deal with the consciousness of right and wrong, moral and immoral with every thing they choose to do, especially when dealing with Love and Romance. You see, the irony in my idea of innocence is that it is very difficult to maintain. Innocence does help maintain and preserve joy, but experience has the power to kill your innocence.