Aspects of Love

Ah, love! What rapturous, torturous words have been set down to try and capture the essence of love. Those clever Greeks, who invented the Olympics, also invented many names for love --Cupid, Eros, Venus, Aphrodite -- and each name represented an aspect of love. The ancient Greeks had several words for several categories of love -- they did not attempt to squeeze all of it into four little letters! Eros was erotic, or sexual love; Philos was brotherly love; Agape was altruistic, spiritual love. The Latin poet Ovid spoke of amor ludens, or playful love -- love as a game. You might call it sport sex....

Having separate categories like these can be very helpful in thinking and talking about how we love. In modern times, we speak of romantic love, mature love, parental love, innocent childlike love, friendship, and even intellectual love. And why not circumstantial love for those we become fond of because we're thrown together at work or some other activity -- even though the relationship or friendship doesn't last once the circumstance changes? A shipboard romance might be in that category.

Many of my clients could use some handy way to think and communicate about all the differences in the ways they love:

"I love her, but I'm not in love with her," agonized a client of mine recently. "But she's a wonderful person, I don't want to hurt her -- I don't want to lose her friendship," Until he tells her the truth about how he feels, they'll both be stuck in a very uncomfortable situation.

"I love Vince, we've been together a long time, but I'm not excited about him anymore," sighs a young woman, "I'm not sure I still want to be lovers." Until she talks about her boredom, Vince won't have a chance to make any changes - the longer she waits, the harder it will be to improve the relationship.

"I love my mother," muses another client, "but I don't like her very much." Mother may never need to know this, but the client needs to have a talk with himself about how to resolve his ambivalence and develop a workable relationship with his mom. It's time for the old relationship to change.

"I know he likes me, but does he like me?" worries another young woman. "I mean, does he love me -- is he in love with me?" She'll remain unrequited and unsure until she gathers enough courage to ask him directly.

Many clients ask me, "How will I know if I'm in love?" Ask ten people what love is, you'll get ten different answers. Ask those same people how they want to be loved -- and each one will want something unique. One wants to be given space, another wants constant companionship. To be held and touched sounds great to some, smothering to others. There is no way we can know how to love each other without communicating about it.

Love's home is the heart, and love is not limited to one type or expression. There is plenty to go around, and the more of it we share, the more we have. As the song put it, "Love isn't love 'til you give it away." You have to let someone know how you feel if you want your love to be returned. Yes, it's a risk, but I think it's even riskier not to express your feelings.

To find out what love is, we all have to ask our heart, which always knows when we feel abused, and when we are too demanding. We may not like the answer, but we can recognize it for the truth. When I listen to my heart, I can stop worrying, because my heart is surprisingly in tune with one of the world's oldest definitions of love:"Love is patient and kind; love is neither jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude;" wrote St. Paul. "Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right." Whether I'm receiving love or giving it, the "real thing" fits that description. The interesting thing is, when I give love away instead of hoarding it, I always seem to receive more than I can possibly give.

22 Nov 2008 02:26:52

Bisexual Twins to Star in A Double Shot at Love - People Magazine

Monsters and Critics.com Bisexual Twins to Star in A Double Shot at Love People Magazine - Tila Tequila wont be looking for love on another season of her MTV reality show, but theresa fierce twosome who are willing to give it a shot. ... MTV hits bisexual lottery: 'A Double Shot at Love '

Source: http://tvwatch.people.com/2008/11/21/bisexual-twins-to-star-~

21 Nov 2008 23:30:25

Paris HIlton 'Still In Love' With Benji Madden - FOXNews

E! Online Paris HIlton 'Still In Love ' With Benji Madden FOXNews - "You know, I love him," she told Seacrest. "He's such an amazing man and he's my best friend and he's been so great to me and so loyal. ... Paris Hilton: I'm Still in Love with Benji Madden Paris on Split: I'm Still in Love Paris Hilton on Benji Madden: 'I'm Still in Love With Him'

Source: http://news.google.com/news/url

21 Nov 2008 20:00:52

Little Love for the Big Three - New York Times

Rediff Little Love for the Big Three New York Times, United States - By Andrew C. Revkin Leaders of the ailing auto industry testified at a House hearing this week. Rick Wagoner, chairman and chief executive of General Motors ... Auto show oozes luxury as Big Three tank

Source: http://dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/21/a-climate-scien~

21 Nov 2008 18:49:24

Zac and Leo Not in Love - E! Online

E! Online Zac and Leo Not in Love E! Online - Dude loves the new intense fame thang, big-time. But damn if he didnt chuckle, rather contemptuously, when somebody asked if he was looking forward to ...

Source: http://eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b69911_zac_leo_n~.html

21 Nov 2008 07:55:59

MOVIE REVIEW | 'TWILIGHT' The Love That Dare Not Bare Its Fangs - New York Times

Ottawa Citizen MOVIE REVIEW 'TWILIGHT' The Love That Dare Not Bare Its Fangs New York Times, United States - By MANOHLA DARGIS Its love at first look instead of first bite in Twilight, a deeply sincere, outright goofy vampire romance for the hot-not-to-trot ... Forbidden love 'Twilight' faithfully portrays love story of Bella and Edward Undying love for vampire hotties -

Source: http://nytimes.com/2008/11/21/movies/21twil.html

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