I'm not speaking to Rachel Ray anymore. As far as I'm concerned, she's dead to me. Dead. Do you hear me? Here's why: While recovering from triple bypass, open heart surgery a few years ago, I found out that Rachel Ray was going to be making an appearance at a local book store for a book signing. This was good news, because I was a big fan. Yeah, I'm a guy and I like to cook. I'm also a single guy who needs to know how to cook, because I don't want family members coming to my apartment and finding me huddled over a plate of gray linguine. It was necessary for me to learn how to cook and Rachel's recipes are easy to make and not very time consuming. So, when I heard she was coming to town, I had to meet her. After all, I watched all of her cooking shows, traveling shows, talk shows, game shows and, if she had a show that explained the Pythagorean Theorem, I would have watched that, too. Let's face it, for a single guy, she's the perfect girl. She's cute, she's perky, she's smart, she's funny and she can cook.
Let's face it. We all love the Internet and its wealth of quick knowledge and information but it has also caused us all our fair share of misery. Viruses have destroyed our hard drives, financial and sexual predators lay lurking in the shadows and everything else that could possibly be unpleasant is never more than a click of the mouse away. So in order to not let the world of fast information get you down, it is important to stay in touch with your sense of humor, especially when you are stuck behind a computer all day. The daily frustrations of dealing with the Internet and computers can leave even the most pleasant of people in a fowl mood, so it's important for all of us to keep ourselves laughing out loud online. One of the biggest reasons that more people are smiling behind their computer screens is the sudden mass influx of funny video file sharing sites. These sites allow any user from anywhere in the world log on and view real-time videos from all over the world. They are usually organized in a manner that anyone can easily search for and find something of interest.
The Professor was mad at me. We had agreed to meet at 8 pm to sign an important agreement. My delay led to postponement of the meeting. "What in heaven's name happened to you?" It was a mild reproach that nevertheless made me feel bad and reconfirmed my reluctance to have dinner with my TV producer friend who insisted on having the infernal screen on during the meal. Instead of serving dinner at a decent hour as he and his wife usually do, this time they had an important guest other than me. It was the usual mogul whose generous pockets would shortly finance one of my friend's TV ventures. The meal was not bad except that the screen showed in all its misery that popular program "Dancing with the Stars"! I could not think of an excuse drastic enough to get up off the table and rush into the evening traffic. I suffered in silence. "What was so terrible about having the program Dancing with the Stars as dinner background? " Asked the Professor. "Well, for one thing, dancing is the wrong term.
Being an entertainer for all of my life, I have been driving for many years all over this great country and I have noticed that drivers of certain states have definite traits of their own that is individualistic to themselves. For example, everyone knows that in Florida the people drive extremely slow. That is their very own characteristic while New Yorkers drive like they are in a race. Everything is a competition on the roads there. They might not always drive fast but if you try to pass them they speed up. It becomes a game. Pennsylvania drivers absolutely drive me nuts. I love the people there dearly but they can't drive a lick. They move slowly and they don't move over. If you have three lanes, they spread out and all drive the same speed, thus bringing traffic to a slow crawl. Thank God I don't have a gun in the van, that's all I can say.But let me write about what this article is really about... Driving In New Jersey! Oh my God, where do I start? New Jersey has the most roadways and the most cars on those roadways per square mile than any other state in the union.
Being a single guy isn't easy these days. In the long run, it's always the woman who makes the final decision as to whether or not anything is going to happen. Using the correct pick-up line to attract a woman's attention is very important. There are so many out there, it's hard to pick the right one. So, instead of a list of pick-up lines that work, here is a list of ten lines that definitely won't work and the responses that were received. How do I know? Let's just say, some fool went out there and tried them. Okay, it was for experimental purposes. Of course, always avoid the obvious and overdone ones like "What's your sign?" Responses to this one could range from "Keep out" to "Toll road." You don't want to get shot down before you've even had a chance to show her what a total idiot you can be. So, avoid the following: 1. Your place or mine. Response: Yours. Wait for me. If I'm not there in an hour, start without me. 2. If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Humor is the spice of life. Life without fun and humor is simply vain. Thanks to technological advancement in recent years, sources of humor have evolved themselves to new heights. Movies or plays are not the only source of humor of today. In fact, the duration of these stuffs leaves little option for people who can hardly afford to spend even an hour. Quick sources of humor surround our daily lives but we hardly care to look around and feel their presence. Humor is not restrained to words or enactments. Even pictures possess the capacity to evoke laughter. A hoarding on the roadside can not only attract the attention of the passersby but also bring out smiles if it possesses a fun element. Funny pictures apart, funny videos are also an excellent source of quick humor. Undoubtedly, funny videos offer moments of quick relief. These light moments are extremely important to cheer one's spirits and shrug off every stress. In fact, visual sources of humor like videos and pictures create greater impact.
Funny videos have become a hot and happening stuff among web surfers these days. Video sharing sites like You Tube, Big Think, Daily Motion or Google Videos are the central hubs for enthusiasts who desire real-life entertainment. These video sharing sites are earning huge popularity, especially amongst the younger age group. Creating these funny videos is not an easy task. This involves a lot of creativity to tickle the funny bone of the spectators. Some of the key elements that go into the making of a successful funny video include: a) Subject matter b) Target audience c) Planning and innovation d) Attention to detail Subject matter or plot is highly important to decide the success or failure of any form of art. Similarly, funny videos too demand a good plot to build upon the humor. A trifle plot can also evoke humor, but of the slapstick kind. A good plot with the support of solid humor not only serves the tastes of the common man but also of the intellectuals. Another essential element to be kept in mind is the target audience of your funny videos.
Well, it happened again, this time to my Cousin Nester who called us all up this morning to say that Jesus had appeared on the side of his garage - not in the flesh, or even in the vapor, but in a distorted image on wood apparently made from rust, sap, and an unidentifiable white substance most likely blamed on birds and the adjacent cherry tree. Nester didn't believe in Jesus but was willing to bet his lottery ticket that this was in fact the Holy of Holies who had taken residence above his trash cans, staring down with a look of disdain at the collection of assorted hubcaps and the discarded recliner bearing the imprint of Nester's butt. Nester took this sighting to mean two things: the recliner should stay, and here was the new business opportunity he'd been waiting for. And with more ambition than he had shown in his combined forty-five years, he notified the press, alerted the neighbors, slapped up a sign that said "$10 to see Jesus, " set up an EBay account, and put his son Dudley to work scraping pieces of wood off the side of the garage to sell to the highest bidders.
When I finished my drivers test last week, I was welcomed aboard as a new full time driver for Lisa Motor Lines and given a choice: if I wanted to start trucking that very afternoon I could have an International tractor right there in the yard in Fort Worth. If I didn't want to drive the International (and who does?) I could have an older, five years, Freightliner tractor... ... but... ... The Freightliner was in Tampa, Florida, another reason to opt for the Freightliner. March in Florida, how bad could that be? I'd have to go to Tampa to retrieve the truck... ... but (and this was the really BIG BUT! )... ... Lisa would only send me to Florida by bus, a Greyhound, thirty hours from downtown Fort Worth to Tampa. The bus left at 6:00 a.m. the following morning and, God willing, would arrive in the Sunshine State around noon the following day. I hadn't been on a cross-country bus since I was a kid. It might be kind of fun in a weird sort of a way, I thought. Besides, what could possibly go wrong?
GOOD NEWS! University of Chicago studies show a great sense of humor can add an additional 8 years to your life! Humor produces laughter. Laughter produces several positive effects on your physical, mental and emotional well-being. So, not only do you stand to increase the potential length of your life, but you certainly increase the quality and enjoyment of your life, if you have a great sense of humor. But, how do you know if you have a great sense of humor, or not? Take a few minutes right now to evaluate some of your present humor habits. 1. Can you quickly recall a hilarious memory, or a most embarrassing moment? 2. Do you regularly like to hear or tell funny jokes and stories? 3. Do you catch yourself laughing and smiling several times a day? 4. Do you laugh at yourself easily? 5. When you try to be humorous, do others find you entertaining? ANSWERING YES to questions 1 - 5 suggests you have a great sense of humor. Continue... 6. Do you reserve fun until after your work is done?