Health and Fitness

10 More Silly Lorry Stories!

As I reported in my previous article, 'World's Top 10 Silly Lorry Stories', lorries and lorry drivers seem to have a habit of being involved in some of the world's quirkiest news stories. Well, with a little delving, I've discovered many more ridiculous lorry stories. Here is my second top 10! Chicken run A lorry driver made a 100-mile trip with a live chicken under his bonnet. The truck driver only heard the hen clucking when he arrived at an Asda depot near Chepstow, Monmouthshire. Transport clerk Alex Viljoen said: 'The lorry driver was afraid to pick the bird up. She was a bit warm and there was oil on her feathers, but she seemed quite happy.' The chicken was taken to vet Caroline Marlow and given a clean bill of health - then laid an egg. Caroline said: 'We think she was copying Chicken Run and trying to escape.' False alert A German lorry driver caused a crash on a busy autobahn after biting into an apple and swallowing his false teeth. Peter Seiler, 57, was driving on the A3 motorway near Wuerzburg when he decided to tuck into the apple.

The Date

As he rushed out of the door of his office, he glanced at his watch, "Only 5 minutes late! " he thought to himself. "Drive a little faster and I should make it on time, no sweat! " as he unlocked the door to his car and got inside. He cranked the restored Nova's engine over and it fired to life, the comforting sound of the big V8 under the hood making him feel a little more confident. As he was pulling out of the parking lot and on to the main road, he saw drops of rain spattering on the windshield. "Well this might slow this a little but no big deal! " He smiled to himself in anticipation of the night. For some reason, the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland popped into his head... "I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date" kept repeating over and over. It seems as though the closer he got to the restaurant, the harder it started to rain. It was soon a deluge and he had to flick his wipers on high just to keep up with the downpour. Fortunately, he could still see the cars in front of him and traffic was still moving, all be it moving slowly.

Joke Writing - How Can I Learn To Write Jokes

It started very simply for one well-known comedian. He was out with nothing to do one day and decided to buy a book. The subject of the book was how to write books, and the result changed his life. He has since had a television show in his own name, the hosted a famous and tremendously successful comedy show, and he is the new host of The Price is Right. Thats right, Drew Carrey got his start simply by buying a book on how to write jokes. So now you must be asking yourself, how can I learn to write jokes. If thats the case, then I hope to give you a few tips from my own experience. The most important thing is to not be afraid of embarrassment. You will need to be a clown, be a fool. Some of your jokes will work and some will not, but they all need to be tested no matter what. In order to accurately be sure of the results of your test, you will need to be your own worst critic. The response you want is a full belly laugh, a loud guffaw, not just a polite giggle. What ever you plan to write for, whether it be a novel, sitcom, or if your aim is to do stand-up comedy, people will expect a higher level of joke, then a group of friends might.

Deep and Funny Questions for Eckhart Tolle Oprah about A New Earth - Spiritual Mysteries Mantras

Undoubtedly Eckhart Tolle and Oprah are quite spiritual. Their online web class has awakened the world and gladly so, taking many of us beyond our head and into our heart. The spirit within truly needs more recognition and liberation from our thought processes. But here's some food for thought and thought provoking questions for the dynamic duo. Just some questions sent to Oprah and Eckhart online that never got answered. 1. Is your ego really dead and dissolved Eckhart? 2. Do you ever get irritated at Oprah when she continually interrupts you, while you're talking about a deep spiritual truth that she confuses (i.e., "believing" with "thinking")? 3. How many glasses of wine or beers does it take for you to take the edge off and quiet your own mind? 4. What most stimulates your egoic mind? Flattery from a hot woman, criticism from a blogger, or being on Oprah whereby you can sell millions of books and be next to deity? 5. How heavy is your pain body? Do you ever take it for a massage?

What If You Could Add An Additional 8 Years To Your life? Assessing Your Sense of Humor

GOOD NEWS! University of Chicago studies show a great sense of humor can add an additional 8 years to your life! Humor produces laughter. Laughter produces several positive effects on your physical, mental and emotional well-being. So, not only do you stand to increase the potential length of your life, but you certainly increase the quality and enjoyment of your life, if you have a great sense of humor. But, how do you know if you have a great sense of humor, or not? Take a few minutes right now to evaluate some of your present humor habits. 1. Can you quickly recall a hilarious memory, or a most embarrassing moment? 2. Do you regularly like to hear or tell funny jokes and stories? 3. Do you catch yourself laughing and smiling several times a day? 4. Do you laugh at yourself easily? 5. When you try to be humorous, do others find you entertaining? ANSWERING YES to questions 1 - 5 suggests you have a great sense of humor. Continue... 6. Do you reserve fun until after your work is done?

Laughter - Your Remedy for Distress - Finding Amusement Amongst Misfortune

"No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one." Elbert Hubbard We all do it year after year - work long and hard until we have passed the point of good reason. Then we pack up the family and head out for the once a year summer vacation, which is going to miraculously bring our life back into balance. If only it were that simple. Just choosing a time that fits within everyone's schedule is nearly impossible, as well as agreeing on where to go and what to do. Many employers expect employees to get as much of their work done in advance of taking time off and work late playing catch-up when they return. It's no wonder that when our best laid plans for a fun-filled family escape hit a few snags, we lose our cool. Whether the wind howls, the rain pours, or someone suffers from food poisoning or heat-stroke, we will likely encounter some unexpected and uncontrollable circumstances which pose a serious threat to crush our enjoyment. It was a yearly tradition for our family to take a trip during the summer.

10 Reasons Why Your Sense of Humor is No Laughing Matter - Helpful or Harmful Humor

It's no joke! Humor that is used appropriately can be your best friend or your worst enemy if misused, don't you agree? Research has long documented the positive effects a sense of humor has on a person's health, happiness and success in life. The benefits of humor in the workplace are becoming widely recognized. Both of these statements are in reference to "healthy" humor. While positive humor has tremendous power to heal and create closeness; negative humor has tremendous power to hurt and distance. How do you define what a "healthy" sense of humor IS and IS NOT? Five things a "sense of humor" IS! 1. A sense of humor IS a choice of attitude and your willingness to look for, find, and enjoy the "funny" in your everyday life. 2. A sense of humor IS a tool you can use to reduce stress and anxiety, help you escape the seriousness of life that can weigh you down, and increase your ability to deal with life's daily demands and challenges. 3. A sense of humor IS a release to help you relieve tension, relax, let down your guard, laugh, open up, connect, bond, and improve your relationships.

Fat Pencil Days

Even though I am a writer in the twenty first century with a laptop and Microsoft Word and all the other gadgets and geegaws I still sit down with a blank piece of paper and a pen or pencil when an idea is starting to form in my head. I guess it's conditioning from all those years in school when I was sitting behind a desk trying to express myself with a pen or pencil. I can still picture the scene, thirty kids leaning over their desks, straining to form those letters with big fat pencils clutched in their hands, and a few of them even let the tip of their tongues slip out the corner of their mouths, the ultimate sign of concentration. Anyone who grew up in the United States and went to school here will probably remember those big fat pencils we used to get when we started our academic careers. I sometimes wonder about that. Our hands were very little so they gave us bigger pencils. Hmmmm. It doesn't really make sense, but somehow it works and really does make writing easier. Now that we are adults we write with skinny pencils clamped in our larger hands.

2 For 1

How many times have you been to Target or K-mart or even the grocery store and seen the 2 for 1 sale? Always looks appealing and sounds appealing and seems to be a good deal, but is it? I never bothered to read the expiration dates or ask the store manager why this is such a good deal? I have to admit that I am guilty of all charges. I will zero in and zoom straight towards any 2 for 1 deals, anytime and anywhere. When I lived in London for eight years, I would go to a drugstore called Boots. They have existed for at least a hundred years and I have been buying their 2 for 1 products for a third of that time. I even have a Boots card to earn points so that I can buy even more 2 for 1 products. Such a deal, what a steal. I would even intentionally buy a whole bunch of products just to get the points in order to buy the 2 for 1 using my points! Can you ever imagine a better deal than that! I go to CVS here which is a drugstore similar to Boots and buy like crazy to get points onto my CVS card which in turn I will use towards any 2 for 1 products.

Fear of Surgery

When I was sixteen years old and had my first cosmetic surgery, the thought of this did not alarm me one bit. I did not worry about the surgery itself, no concerns about being put to sleep nor the pain... nothing! I checked myself into the hospital as if I was going to the spa. With my little overnight suitcase and book under my arm, I had not a care in the world. After all, I was only sixteen and had forever. Several minor operations proceeded and as always, I would check myself in and check myself out. Whatever the surgeon was doing to me was like putting God in control. I trusted and had faith. Not a worry about never waking up nor a concern regarding recuperation. This attitude stayed with me for many years until... A hysterectomy! My female reproductive organs were going to see the daylight and examined by a complete stranger who would probably slice and dice the rejected organ and throw it into a freezer. My baby pooper was pooped out. To console me, I thought that it had served its purpose and was no longer in demand.

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