Some speakers pay close attention to their audience, whether it be an auditorium full of people or one person, whereas others can talk their audience's ear off and never know when to stop! In every office, family or organization, there is someone who can't tell when to be quiet. People listen out of politeness and courtesy, but secretly dread the wind bag's arrival, and wish they could say, "Please, will you be quiet?" If you want to be sure you never bore people to tears, and people are always willing to listen to you, try the following techniques: A. Attention. Pay close attention to your listener(s). Look for body language and subtle cues that your audience has heard enough. When you see the signs of boredom or disinterest, it's time to be quiet! Or you could try talking about something more interesting. B. Be Aware. Monitor the time you spend talking and limit yourself to just a few minutes... even if you haven't said everything you want to say. Chances are, people don't want to hear it, anyway.
In today's society it's quite common, especially amongst young couples, for relationships to be ended by one of the partners being forced to relocate. It could mean one partner following a career opportunity that takes them far away. The important thing in these instances is that the relationship itself never broke down, the situations merely changed. In some cases the couple may have tried a long distance relationship, but these can be very difficult and usually only work for short term separations. Eventually couples separated by distance will become tied up in their own local lives and drift apart. When this happens the potential is always there for the couple to re-establish contact, and eventually a relationship, but the initial stages of this can be very awkward. Initially when you meet with an old flame there is some uncertainty as to exactly what your relationship is. You were a couple, but you separated because of distance, but now there is no distance so - are you a couple again?
What's the objective of a communication process? For our purposes, let's take the objective as being the transmission of an idea or thought from one person's mind to that of another. So, I have a thought and I decide that I want to share it with you. If we're face-to-face or on the 'phone I'll put my thought into words and say them. Now we both have the same thought in our minds, right? If only it were that simple! Let's take an example: I have a conversation with a mutual acquaintance and sometime later I relate the conversation to you. What happens first is that I receive sensory data during the conversation. This would be through sight, hearing and touch. And, if we're chatting over a coffee, then smell and taste also. This information is processed in my brain and I experience the conversation. The experience is stored as my memory of the event - but is it the same as what actually happened? Well, the raw, sensory data has already been filtered by comparison with my existing memories, my values and my beliefs.
Most couples don't do anything about communication in their relationships until problems arise, when one of them asks, Why aren't we talking any more?" That's because usually, dating and early marriage contain a lot of talk, but no real exchange of ideas. Why do relationships start out so off track and how do we get them back on track? Let's take a progressive look at relationship communication problems and see if we can find some tools to fix them. Rather than offer techniques, we'll focus on causes of poor communication and solutions. Why Don't We Talk Any More? I remember this stage in our marriage. I was the one asking the question, but it wasn't the right one. The question should have been, "When would you like to start communicating?" We had talked all along, but not communicated. The further we travelled that road, the harder it was to say anything. The factors involved in this are pretty easy to see and understand if you're not currently in the battle. I suspect you wouldn't be reading this article if everything was peaches and cream.
Ask any organization or group of people what their biggest problem is. .. chances are, they'll say communication. If you think about it, communication problems are relationship problems in disguise. Good, trusting relationships allow for high-quality communication. Without the relationship there is a limit to what can be communicated or accomplished. Half a century of outcome research in the field psychotherapy indicates that relationships are the key to therapeutic success. Really good relationships require care and feeding. Yes, there is an art to relationships, and relationships take constant effort. Plus, they require knowledge and skill. Talk to any truly successful person, and you will meet someone who has done well with relationships. A True Story When I was just out of school and in my early twenties, I met a multi-millionaire who ran a variety of successful businesses. I asked him if there was a secret to his success. "Son, " he said, "there are many secrets, but the biggest of them all -- it's bigger than the Empire State Building and the Sears Building in Chicago combined -- is more important than anything you can think of.