I'm sure you've heard the story over and over again from some of your girlfriends - everything is going well with some nice guy in their lives, then suddenly everything turns upside-down when she starts being honest about her feelings. The guy suddenly starts drifting out of their relationship, and despite her sincerest efforts, there's nothing she could do to get him back. And here we were, thinking that honesty was the best policy. And it took so much just to lay out all the cards in front of him, too. What's going on? The truth is, men get the heebie-jeebies when women decide to take their relationship into the next level. Any well-meaning, honest moves you make won't work - they'll only make things worse. The more you try to win his heart, the more he feels inclined to stay away from you. Why? There are several reasons. Firstly, guys don't like rushing into relationships - and those who do probably won't make great life partners, anyway. When you suddenly lay out all your cards for him, he'll be scared out of his wits - and tend to keep his distance.
Here are the ten things that you must do if you want to ensure that your man gets more serious about committing his heart and soul to you: 1. Do not rush him into a serious relationship with you. The more you push, the more he will pull away. 2. No matter how much you may love spending time with your man, plan a little away from him every now and then. Having this separation can give him time to realize how important you are. Remember that old saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". 3. Leave small reminders of yourself around his house. Do not go over board and leave so much of your stuff at his house that he start feeling like you are trying to force your way into his house without his permission. 4. If you have not heard from him all day, do not sit around waiting for him to call you. Go out and do something, this often helps guys realize that you do still have other things going on in your life. 5. Remain as aloof as possible about your future together. Men are so used to having women bombard them with questions about where their relationship is headed that they find it refreshing when you seem not to be too interested in settling down.
Each and every time we break up our idea of a "soul mate" dies just a little. When we fall in love, we are convinced that we have found our one and only partner. However, when we break up, rather than admitting that we were mistaken about the identity of that person being our one and true love, it is easier to accept that such things are a myth. Also, if we are the person who was dumped, it is easier not to believe in them than to accept the fact that we were dumped by our possible soul mate! The energy, time, and money we need to find a soul mate are enormous. Most of us do not have those resources to find them. Rather, we will tend to lower our standards and compromise on the best person we can find: "Mr/Mrs Right Now" rather than "Mr/Mrs Right". It will drive most of us crazy to realize the thought that we have committed our life to that one person who is not what they should be. We know that we need to find and get that person but we feel it would be far too risky to sacrifice our savings or mortgage our house to buy a nationally run advert to find that one person.
TeamWork The definition of Teamwork according to WikiPedia is the concept of people working together cooperatively. "The key elements in the art of working together are how to deal with change, how to deal with conflict, and how to reach our potential... the needs of the team are best met when we meet the needs of individuals persons." (Max DePree) Every relationship requires teamwork in order to overcome all of the hurdles the relationship will come up against. The adage you are either with me or against me holds true. Although two people in a relationship will never wholly and completely agree on everything, It's important to be on the same page for the important things, for example, raising children, finances, & religious beliefs. Not to say that if you don't agree on these things, that you can't make it work, but that it can definitely make things more challenging. Imagine a game of tug-of-war, your strength is only as strong as your weakest link. You need your teammates support and help in order to win the game.
Today is women's day. I can tell you an important lesson I have learned in life. It's about breaking free from stereotypes. Life is one long journey. The milestones involve keeping together various relationships we forge along the way. Have you ever thought about how difficult it is to keep relationships together? What does it take from you to keep your loved ones inside your circle. I have learned my lessons from my elders and the next generation. The big lesson is adjustment. Most women around me, have forgotten how to adjust. I grew up in a close-knit large family. There were uncles and aunts of all description. One of my uncles played a dominant role in my life. He was the bulwark of our family home. My father has eight younger brothers and a sister, which for us, added up to 40 first cousins. There were kids of every age. I stayed with my uncle's family for eight months before I shifted to the hostel. He was a stern guardian, and there was little freedom to move out of the house, even in a group.
It took me two divorces to learn to fight fair and not shut down and push love away. I now have a wonderful loving relationship and celebrated my seventeenth anniversary on Valentine's Day. Follow tools that took me over forty years to acquire-and recapture your passion, romance, and love. What do you do when you feel hurt and your mate is pushing your buttons? I learned to shut down and go into my cave. John Gray's best seller Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus says that this is the man's role, but I found myself in my cave before I knew I had reacted. This is not a healthy way to deal with conflict and it won't get you the love you want. These three steps empower you to heat up your bedroom and recapture passion, and romance. 1. Make love a priority and give up your old habits. In order to stay in control of your habits and your emotions you must stay present, and be conscious of your learned behaviors and reactions. 2. Create a vision of what you want. Once you know what you want you are empowered to build a foundation to support it.
Having personally suffered from severe commitment phobia for many years, I know that being in love with someone who is afraid of commitment is not fun at all, but does someone's fear of commitment always have to be the end of a relationship? In real life, some people are not really meant to be together, and sometimes when you've tried everything humanly possible -- and I mean really tried everything including asking for divine intervention -- and failed, it's smart to know when to walk away. Walking away does not necessarily mean you will be able to stop loving that person because if you really love someone from your heart and soul you will never stop loving that person. Love is so much bigger than all of us because it's the very fabric by which we are made of. And when you love someone what you are basically doing is getting in touch with what you are made of. Trying to stop love is like trying to get out of your own skin -- good luck with that! Walking away or "getting over" that person means that you stop expecting him or her to give you what he or she in unable to, is unwilling to, or just doesn't want to.
No matter how young at heart you are, as you mature you will eventually long for a longer term relationship. Long term relationships means that you now have accepted the responsibility to stay monogamous. There is no more fooling around with other women and being on the look out for another woman, especially if you are with her. However, being monogamous does not mean that you have lost your freedom. Freedom is in the mind. But if you feel that you have lost your freedom, you need to question if it is your woman who is the insecure one and constantly needs the re-assurance and requirement that you to be there 24/7 OR indeed you are not ready for being one hearted. Being in a monogamous relationship is very different and special to the usual, multiple relationships. Building a true one on one bond with the woman you love is special. From speaking to many women, I have found that women do try to change their man. But you may need to see them trying to make changes for the better, such as making us pick after ourselves.
Commitment is an extraordinary force in people's lives - It has the power to overcome thoughts, emotions, moods and habits - virtually anything that we use to stop ourselves from doing anything. And there are commitment-phobes, not only in relationships, but in any area of our lives. The power is clear. A good friend of min has an ailing father with advance Alzheimer's and Dementia. And he visits him every week, despite everything. And he often doesn't want to - has every excuse. Only his commitment keeps him going. So a useful question is, "What stops commitment?" One possible answer is Vulnerability. Every time we commit - to anything, we increase the chances of being wounded, of losing, of failing. And we have all experienced wounds, loss and failure. We have exposed an area of vulnerability and we've experienced the dangers. We have established a history where vulnerability = commitment, so why commit? The way to become invulnerable is to not commit. And despite the evidence of the strength of commitment, the embedded fear of vulnerability dominates.
One of the five "C's" of relationships is commitment and without it, you do not have a relationship, in fact any long-term relationship without it, is doomed, as it was never meant to be. But what happens when you are totally committed body and soul, and your chosen partner is not quite there yet? Well, it should come as no surprise to you that commitment from another cannot be forced. "Those convinced against their will, are of the same opinion still" or someone once said. If your partner, lover or companion is not committed you will be able to tell and it can become an emotional roller coaster to give without receiving that same level of commitment. But I must tell you that you should not worry about this in the beginning phases of a relationship. You should not try to force commitment and you definitely, do not want to let it control your thoughts. It's best not to judge things and let the natural order of things take their place. Commitment, true commitment only occurs when its real, it cannot be faked, and you should not want it any other way.