Why Laying Out All Your Cards Won't Win His Heart

I'm sure you've heard the story over and over again from some of your girlfriends - everything is going well with some nice guy in their lives, then suddenly everything turns upside-down when she starts being honest about her feelings. The guy suddenly starts drifting out of their relationship, and despite her sincerest efforts, there's nothing she could do to get him back.

And here we were, thinking that honesty was the best policy. And it took so much just to lay out all the cards in front of him, too. What's going on?

The truth is, men get the heebie-jeebies when women decide to take their relationship into the next level. Any well-meaning, honest moves you make won't work - they'll only make things worse. The more you try to win his heart, the more he feels inclined to stay away from you.

Why? There are several reasons.

Firstly, guys don't like rushing into relationships - and those who do probably won't make great life partners, anyway. When you suddenly lay out all your cards for him, he'll be scared out of his wits - and tend to keep his distance. He'll see you as someone who wants to rush into a relationship - a stereotypical clingy woman who's going to be hard to deal with.

Secondly, it may be too early for him. He probably values your friendship a lot, but sees your advances as a threat to that. In any case, the more you'll try to make him like you, the quicker you'll see him gone.

I could think of other reasons. But to sum up all of the better ones, just imagine yourself being in his shoes. Suppose a friend of yours, whose warmth towards you felt nothing more than platonic all this time, suddenly confessed his love for you. How would you feel? Wouldn't you feel compelled to stay away from him? This kind of mistake goes both ways.

The best way to get into a healthy, nurturing relationship with a man would be to allow things to happen naturally. Think of it as dropping a stone from a very high place - the more effort you put into throwing the stone down, the much more quickly its trip to the ground ends. Take it easy and let your relationship grow naturally, and don't rush. Keep yourself open to the possibility, and when he makes his move, you'll know that the wait was well worth it.

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