Vulnerability and Commitment
Commitment is an extraordinary force in people's lives - It has the power to overcome thoughts, emotions, moods and habits - virtually anything that we use to stop ourselves from doing anything. And there are commitment-phobes, not only in relationships, but in any area of our lives.
The power is clear. A good friend of min has an ailing father with advance Alzheimer's and Dementia. And he visits him every week, despite everything. And he often doesn't want to - has every excuse. Only his commitment keeps him going.
So a useful question is, "What stops commitment?" One possible answer is Vulnerability. Every time we commit - to anything, we increase the chances of being wounded, of losing, of failing. And we have all experienced wounds, loss and failure. We have exposed an area of vulnerability and we've experienced the dangers.
We have established a history where vulnerability = commitment, so why commit? The way to become invulnerable is to not commit. And despite the evidence of the strength of commitment, the embedded fear of vulnerability dominates.
The problem is that you can't hedge your bet. Commitment is 100%; you cannot sort of commit. But here is where we trick - and in tricking - rob ourselves. After a while - and the length of 'a while' is different for each of us - the experience of the hurt disappears. But the decisions not to - the armor of invulnerability remains and hardens. And we remain hurt when the next opportunity arises.
We are hurt in advance, by memories perhaps forgotten. We stand in front of a fireplace and yell at it, "First give me fire, then I'll give you wood." Here's the only thing to do to gain the power commitment gives you:
When you come to a high wall, toss your hat over it. Then you'll climb.
Michael Lipp, The Contribution Coach guides people to create new, exciting futures He is also a multi-faceted author - His books include, "Less Stress, More Wealth (the 8 infallible laws of money)" and "Guide to a Fulfilled Life". You are invited to explore his blog, http://michaellipp.wordpress.com and his website http://www.michaellipp.com
Unlike other coaches he gives a free 6-session seminar, The Relationship Principles For more information or to register, visit his website
Source: http://www.ezinearticles.com/
Added: 16 апреля 2008
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