There are certain things that you never want to see in an office email. There's the obvious: Your boss naked; chain emails promising death or impalement if not forwarded to 6 friends; a catastrophic balls-up that only you can fix... But today I received one of another nature, of the impending doom of falling to my death in a faulty elevator nature.
It's MacGyver's fault I have such a boring and tedious job. When I applied for my current boring job I was working as a Manager in a horrendous clothing store, you know the kind where the music is so loud it makes you want to tear your ears off and simultaneously drill a hole through your head? Well it was one of those. I'd just left a job similar to what I do now after 6 years for the usual disgruntled unappreciated reasons and was determined that the move back into retail was a good idea (note: this is never a good idea).
So I have a terrible addiction... ..shoes. What's that? You think that's a great thing to be addicted too? NO! You're wrong! It's terrible! For one, I have run out of storage. I'm looking at buying two bookcases to put in my walk in robe just to house my shoes. Secondly, they're expensive. I don't just buy any shoes, I have standards. All shoes must be leather, no faux, no pleather, just the real deal.
Outside of the creative merits of Dane Cook's act, few topics in the stand-up comedy business generate more debate than whether to play clean or blue. And in case you're so new to the business that you're unfamiliar with the meaning of blue, it refers to jokes about skies and oceans and Paul Newman's eyes. And if you believe this, you may want to instead perhaps consider a career as a pastry chef or an insurance claims adjuster.
J.D. came through the door a bit breathless and upset. He handed me the bag with bread in it, shut the door and placed his walker in the corner. He looked at me and said, "you'll never believe what happened to me. I went into the store, bought the bread and when I came out four undercover cops held guns on me, and said I was under arrest." "They handcuffed me, and put me in the back of the police car.
Maybe you can relate to this. It seems that I get my best or maybe my worse ideas while sitting on the throne or in the shower or while driving my car. Have you ever asked yourself, "is God a He, a She or an It and where He Lives?" It seems in America today that we are supposed to be politically correct and never say anything that would offend someone.
I have a bad day before, and I'm sure you have too. But, it could always be worse. Below I've compiled ten components to a really crappy day. And I do mean crappy. Wake up late with a pounding headache and realize you've soiled yourself. Feel your stomach churning like a cement mixer, you make a run for the porcelain throne, stub your toe(which delays your progress), and soiled yourself.
If you can hook up with a cruise line you'll always be guaranteed of work and good pay. Most cruise ships operate out of Florida and the west coast, visiting popular destination spots like Alaska, Mexico and Jamaica. Most, not all, require clean acts. Depending on the cruise line you may be booked for one or two shows a night while on board. If it's for two shows you will need to perform a completely different set for the second show, with no repeat material.
Thinking outside of the box is a common mantra for most comedians. But more often than not it only applies to jokes and joke premises, which can be limiting when it comes to work. Most comedians confine their comedy income options to comedy clubs, comedy clubs and comedy clubs. Which is okay if you're in demand, but otherwise you're locked in permanent scramble mode trying to find work and meet monthly bills.
Bombing is the most feared verb to a comic. And with good reason. It's an experience that lives up to its hype. You could describe it as dire, disastrous, disturbing, harrowing, hideous, horrendous, horrid, horrifying, unnerving, unpleasant and unwelcome and still fall 73 adjectives shy of properly describing the pain of standing on stage before absolute silence.